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James Dempsey: New film ‘Ted’ from Family Guy creator is one big joke

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IF you go down to the multiplex today, you’re sure of there being no surprises.

Because when it comes down to it,

Ted, the first live action feature film from Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane, is one fantastic joke stretched extremely thin for 106 minutes.

And yet, it is pointless to point this out, because every male (between the ages of 18 and 35) there ever there was, will gather there for certain because, today’s the day the smutty bear jokes about dick.

As already stated, the premise of Ted is actually rather genius, and that’s what makes the complete lack of originality in its delivery all the more disappointing.

The story, by MacFarlane and Family Guy writers Alec Sulkin and Wellesley Wild, takes the classic Hollywood staple of a man’s personal development derailed by a boorish childhood friend holding him back to a brilliantly subversive level; what if a lonely young boy made a Christmas wish that his teddy bear would come alive, and then what happens 27 years later when they’re all grown up?

Fart jokes, mostly, between bong hits, F-words and repeated references to acts of sexual depravity.

Bizarre non-sequiturs, allusions to pop culture of the 70s and 80s and choice cameos. It’s the story of a man and his sentient non-human companion living the life of Reilly, while his wet-blanket other half (Mila Kunis bumped up from the role of Meg to Lois, only this time named Lori) puts up with it all in the name of love.

Was I expecting something else?

Yes, frankly, I was.

MacFarlane is a shrewd and brilliant satirist who has, across his animated canon of Family Guy, American Dad and The Cleveland Show, lampooned American and, more significantly, entertainment culture in perfect execution.

His writing, voice acting and direction on television have provided moments of surrealism, escapism and hilarity, while continuing to shock and appal audiences with ballsy no-holds-barred humour. This is the man who wrote an episode of Family Guy about its female lead becoming a surrogate mother, then aborting the baby when the biological parents die in a car crash.

Ted, rated 16, thinks it can get by purely by replacing the more audacious aspects of MacFarlane’s animated personae with cursing and sex jokes.

What is initially crude and shockingly rude very quickly becomes crude and shockingly rudimentary, the film following the kind of asinine arc that even 14 year-olds who sneak in will have seen a thousand times before.

Will Mark Wahlberg’s John, the straight man who loves letting Ted get him into trouble, learn a lesson about maturity when his actions knowingly go against the specific agreements he’s made with Lori?

Will there be wildly broad jokes at the expense of racial and sexual stereotypes? Are all the best jokes in the trailer? You betcha.

The film is an overly long episode of Family Guy, and a weaker one at that. What works in animation plods along in live action.

The supporting cast, admittedly with the exception of one fantastic cameo that flashes with retro pastiche, are largely forgotten.

Community’s Joel McHale, a cult star in his own right, barely features as Lori’s lecherous boss and is mostly left flailing about on screen with yet another fart joke.

Much has been written of the fantastic CGI rendering and motion capture performance of Ted – but a puppet would have been easier, and as recently seen in The Muppets, funnier.

That Ted started out as the framework for another animated sitcom should come as no surprise; MacFarlane has cornered the market of man and talking creature comedy since 1999. Stick with the Family Guy boxset instead.

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Family Guy & The Cleveland Show – Sofia Vergara to guest

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Sofia Vergara is about to be romantically linked to… Peter Griffin? The Modern Family star will cameo as his fantasy love interest in an upcoming episode of Family Guy, EW has learned. In a cutaway gag featuring Peter as a telenovela lothario, Vergara voices his sassy (and, yes, buxom) lover. And that’s not her only role in the episode; she plays a woman selling roses in a restaurant where Quagmire is “wooing” Peter so that Peter will do him a big favor.

In addition, Vergara will pop up this season on another animated Fox comedy, The Cleveland Show. She’ll be voicing a character named Tia Sofia, who tries to talk Cleveland into hosting a quinceañera for Cleveland Jr.’s 15th birthday.

Family Guy‘s 11th season, which kicks off Sept. 30, also boasts contributions from Johnny Depp, Ryan Reynolds, Elizabeth Banks, and Kellan Lutz. Meanwhile, Cleveland’s season 4 premiere airs Oct. 7, and the hip hop-themed episode showcases the voices of Kanye West, Nicki Minaj, Bruno Mars, will.i.a.m, and ?uestlove.


Ryan Reynolds Comes to ‘Family Guy’ as the Original Son of God

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Ryan Reynolds will make a cameo in an upcoming Christmas episode of “Family Guy“. The 35-year-old Canadian actor has signed up to lend his voice to a character who doesn’t exist in biblical history, but is related to Jesus.

Entertainment Weekly reports that the boyfriend of Blake Lively will guest star as the original son of God. Executive producer Mark Hentemann describes the character, “He’s God’s previous attempt at an immaculate conception – his first son that didn’t quite work out.”

The upcoming Christmas edition won’t be the first time Reynolds takes part in the animated comedy series. The Mitch Planko of “The Change-Up” has guest starred as himself in season 10.

“Family Guy” will return with all-new episodes starting Sunday, September 30 at 9 P.M. on FOX. Other guest stars tapped for the 11th season include Johnny Depp, Elizabeth Banks and Kellan Lutz.

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Johnny Depp Comes to ‘Family Guy’ as Edward Scissorhands

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Johnny Depp will reprise his “Edward Scissorhands” role on “Family Guy“. The 49-year-old actor will voice the artificial man, who appeared in the Tim Burton-directed 1990 movie, in a brief cameo for an upcoming episode of the animated comedy show.

Executive producer Mark Hentemann reveals the Barnabas Collins of “Dark Shadows” needed a second to get back into the iconic character. “When he was in the booth, he said that he felt like he hadn’t done that voice since he did it in front of the camera,” the writer tells Entertainment Weekly.

“He was able to snap right back into Edward Scissorhands once we pulled up a clip from the movie,” Hentemann further recalls. “He was amazing – and demonstrated extraordinary patience with all the fawning women in our office who swarmed him.”

The new season of “Family Guy” will debut Sunday, September 30 at 9 P.M. ET on FOX.

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Family Guy – Blue Harvest – Individual Blu-Ray Announced

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Family Guy” has for years poked fun of the Star Wars film series with the release of the “Family Guy – The Laugh It Up Fuzzball Trilogy” on DVD and Blu-Ray back in 2010. The original parody, “Blue Harvest,” did not get its own individual release at that time, and could only be bought on the trilogy set. For those who have waited patiently for the individual Blu-Ray release of “Blue Harvest,” I can now finally present you with the release date: August 7, 2012.

The 2-disc set includes a digital copy on the second disc, and the set is priced at $19.99. For the technical badasses reading this, the BD has full-frame 1.33:1 aspect ratio, with English 5.1 DTS-HD Master Audio. The following bonus features are on the set:

- Audio Commentary by Family Guy Creator Seth MacFarlane with Blue Harvest Director, Producers, Writers and Editors
- A Conversation with Star Wars Creator George Lucas
- Once in a Lifetime: The Making of Blue Harvest Featurette
- Animatic Version of Blue Harvest
- Family Guy Star Wars Clip Show
- Uncensored Audio Track

Those are the same bonus features as on the original trilogy set. Below is the cover art.

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Family Guy – Epic Chicken Fight

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Watch video of chicken fight from Family Guy Season 10